Few things can affect your life so comprehensively as going through a divorce. But if your soon-to-be-former spouse is being difficult, it can make the whole process much more emotionally challenging. It could be that they are being unreasonable, vindictive, aggressive, or otherwise firmly set against you and the idea of bringing the relationship to an end in a fair and civil way.

Since April 2022, the No fault divorce process has made it easier to obtain a divorce without the need to ‘blame’ anyone for the breakdown of the relationship. And it also allows for one spouse to start divorce proceedings without the other agreeing to it, so a difficult spouse cannot now prevent you from getting a divorce. Unfortunately though, it is still possible for divorce proceedings to turn bitter, especially when it comes to resolving questions over matrimonial finances.

So what can you do if your spouse is being difficult over the divorce? We’ve put together 6 tips to help you.

1.    Keep calm and think rationally

One of the reasons that divorce can be so difficult, is that it can provoke strong emotional reactions. If you receive an email from your spouse, for example, your initial emotional reaction might be to respond in an angry or dismissive way. But this is unlikely to be the best way forward for your divorce.

Taking some time to get over that initial reaction and then to think more calmly and rationally about your next steps can be very useful in de-escalating a difficult divorce. It can also give you a greater sense of control – a sense that you decide how you respond to events, rather than your spouse controlling your behaviour through what they are doing.

2.    Conduct yourself with integrity

Following on from that calm and rational approach, it is important to be respectful when communicating with your spouse. Do not react to insults or provocation, just try to keep things civil and remove emotion from your dealings as much as possible.

If a court is required to make decisions on your divorce settlement, the conduct of the parties can be taken into account. For example, ignoring court orders, refusing to disclose assets, or other unreasonable behaviour could lead the court to move away from the usual aim of achieving a 50/50 division of the matrimonial assets.

3.    Communicate clearly and without aggression

The divorce process requires negotiation, so some communication with your spouse is inevitable – although this does not have to be face to face and can be through representatives such as divorce solicitors.

If you can maintain clear, non-aggressive communication with your spouse, either directly or through your legal representatives, it will help to set a more constructive tone to negotiations. This can lead to them following your example, or serve to make their conduct look unreasonable by comparison.

4.    Be empathetic

It is important to remember that your spouse is also going through a difficult time in their life. Depending on what has happened between you, empathy towards them may be difficult, but recognising that they are also having difficulties can help to put their behaviour in perspective.

5.    Get support

The support of friends, family, and professionals can make a huge difference when going through a divorce.

It is important that you take care of your wellbeing during this difficult time, and friends and family can be invaluable in helping you through.

Similarly, instructing the right divorce solicitors for you brings many benefits. Solicitors allow for communicating with your spouse at a step removed – which can be particularly useful when your spouse is being difficult. They can also provide you with advice on your rights, and the actions you can take that are in your best interests. These things can sometimes be obscured if you are facing a difficult spouse, as they may make you believe you are entitled to less than is actually the case.

6.    Keep your ultimate aims in mind

Stay focused on life beyond the divorce, and what you would wish it to look like. This will inform your overall aims for the divorce settlement. If you have children with your spouse, your aims should focus on their best interests.

Keeping your aims in mind can be of great help when issues arise in the divorce process. It can shift your focus away from unpleasant circumstances in the short-term, and allow you to concentrate on positive outcomes instead, and ways in which you can resolve issues to obtain those aims.

Legal support from Ison Harrison

If you are going through a divorce, it can be really helpful to take expert legal advice from an early stage. This is particularly the case where a divorce has become acrimonious or difficult. Having trusted advisers in place ensures your rights are protected, and can avoid issues before they cause complications.

If you would like to speak to Ison Harrison’s specialist family lawyers about your divorce, please get in touch.