It is not uncommon for tensions to arise between separated parents which can have an unfortunate knock-on effect on the relationship between a child and one of their parents.

In some cases, there can be concerns that a child’s unexplained reluctance, resistance and refusal to spend time with a parent can be explained by a child, either consciously or unconsciously, being influenced to reject or distance themselves from the other parent.

This is often referred to by clients as “parental alienation” but legal professionals may talk to you about alienating behaviours

The term “alienation” can be emotive and is frequently misunderstood. It is important to remember that not every situation where a child resists contact with a parent amounts to a parent displaying alienating behaviours.

Children may have genuine reasons for their feelings, particularly where there are safeguarding concerns, conflict, or a history of difficult family dynamics. The challenge for families and the courts is identifying the cause of the child’s views and ensuring their welfare remains the central consideration.

Under family law in England and Wales the child’s welfare is always the court’s main concern. The courts will carefully examine why a child is reluctant to spend time with a parent and may consider evidence from both parents, professionals and, where appropriate, the child themselves.

Recognising Potential Signs

In order for a court to be satisfied that alienating behaviour has been a factor in a case, there must be three necessary elements:

  • The child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to have a relationship with a parent; and
  • This is not a result of the actions of that parent towards the child or the other parent; and
  • The other parent’s behaviour to the child has caused the reluctance, resistance or refusal.

If a child is reluctant, resistant or refusing they may be displaying behaviours such as:

  • Expressing intense hostility towards one parent without an obvious reason.
  • Repeated negative comments about a parent which appear inconsistent with the child’s previous relationship with them.
  • One parent undermining contact arrangements or communication.
  • A child appearing to adopt the language or grievances of one parent rather than expressing their own experiences.

These signs do not automatically mean that alienating behaviour is present. Each family situation is unique, and the reasons behind a child’s behaviour must be considered carefully and sensitively.

The Importance of Evidence

Parents concerned about alienating behaviours should try not to react emotionally or make accusations without evidence. Family courts place significant weight on objective, factual information rather than assumptions.

Useful evidence may include records of missed contact, communication between parents, school reports, professional observations and any involvement from organisations such as CAFCASS. Maintaining a clear, factual record can be invaluable if difficulties continue.

For example, a parent who repeatedly experiences unexplained cancellations of agreed contact arrangements will benefit from keeping a detailed timeline to assist any future legal adviser and should not engage in conflict with the other parent. A calm and child-focused approach often carries greater weight than emotional allegations.

Why Early Intervention Matters

The longer a child becomes distanced from a parent, the more difficult it can be to rebuild that relationship. Early legal advice can help parents understand their options and explore practical solutions before matters escalate.

In many cases, family mediation, constructive communication and professional support can resolve concerns without court proceedings. Such intervention would not address alienating behaviours if they exist and so early advice is key. Where agreement cannot be reached, the court has a range of powers to protect and promote a child’s relationship with both parents where it is safe and, in the child’s best interests to do so.

What Should You Do If You Have Concerns?

If you are worried that your relationship with your child is changing, it is important to remain focused on their welfare. Taking a calm and measured approach is often the most constructive way to address concerns.

Some practical steps you can take include:

  • Keep a diary of missed contact, changes to arrangements and any relevant communication. Communicate by email or on a parenting application so messages referencing missed contact cannot be changed. Referring back to a diary or an electronic log is more helpful than relying on memory alone.
  • Do not involve your child in adult disagreements or ask them to take sides. Conversations about parenting issues should take place between the adults involved, or adult third parties if direct communications are unsafe.
  • Communicate calmly and constructively with the other parent where it is safe and appropriate to do so. In some cases, misunderstandings can be resolved before positions become entrenched.
  • Seek advice early if concerns continue or contact arrangements begin to break down. Early guidance can help you understand your options and may prevent matters from escalating unnecessarily.

Every family’s circumstances are different. What may appear to be alienating behaviour in one case could have a very different explanation in another. Getting the right advice can help ensure that any concerns are considered carefully, with the child’s best interests remaining the priority.

How Ison Harrison Can Help

At Ison Harrison, our experienced family law solicitors understand how distressing it can be when a parent feels their relationship with their child is changing or being damaged. We provide practical, balanced advice tailored to the circumstances of each family.

Whether you are concerned about alienating behaviour, experiencing difficulties with child arrangements, or seeking guidance following a separation, our family law team can help you understand your rights and options. We focus on achieving outcomes that protect children’s welfare while supporting parents through what can be a highly emotional process.

If you are worried about your relationship with your child or are facing disputes regarding contact and child arrangements, contact Ison Harrison’s Family Law team today for confidential advice. Early action and specialist guidance can often make a significant difference to resolving issues and preserving important family relationships.

Call us on 0113 284 5000 or email hello@isonharrison.co.uk.